Purgatory
by Psvtiger
Summary: Just a little Elejah drabble. A one-shot I had to get out of my head… Set after Jeremy's death from Silas. Instead of turning her emotions off, Elena has a different idea… Elijah.


**A/N: Just a little one-shot Elejah drabble I had to get out of my head… set after Jeremy's death. Instead of turning her emotions off, Elena has a different idea…**

* * *

 _"It's Elena. We need your help."_

Elijah could hear the desperation laced with panic in Stefan's voice. He could also hear Damon's muttered obscenities in the background as he lashed out at needing to ask the ancient vampire for anything involving her.

He hung up his phone and dropped it in the passenger seat next to him, gripping the steering wheel tighter than he should. He didn't bother answering Stefan, he also knew he didn't have to. The young vampire would know he was on his way.

* * *

"What happened?" Elijah's voice was steady. Stefan found comfort in the clinical way the Original spoke, but found it difficult to mimic the older vampire's calm façade.

"Silas. Jeremy's dead. Damon's restrained her temporarily, but not before she tried…" Stefan couldn't say the words. Luckily, he didn't have to.

"I see." Elijah offered no other response. He wasn't here to provide an ounce of comfort to the younger Salvatore. He was here for her. _Only her._

* * *

Elijah walked into the house, the smells of salted tears and decaying flesh mingling in a putrid way that made his heart heavy. This wasn't supposed to be her life.

He swiftly made his way to her bedroom – he could hear Damon trying to reassure her that everything would be alright. What a ridiculous platitude. Nothing would ever be alright for Elena again. She was irrevocably changed from this moment on – this possibly being an even more monumental shift than her own transition to vampirism. He understood the agony over losing a sibling. He wished he could take her pain away, but immediately chided himself for the thought, knowing that for now, the pain would be her only link to her brother.

He braced himself before opening the bedroom door, knowing she would expect him to not crack at the sight of her. He refused to let her down.

"Damon, please." She was begging him. Why was she begging him?

"No. No, no, no _no_. No. There's another way." Damon refusing her should have been amusing to Elijah. It may have been under different circumstances. He didn't think Damon could deny her anything if she pleaded long enough. But, he sighed inwardly, he also knew it was in the vampire's nature to be unpredictable, especially when it came to the lovely brunette.

Damon took notice of Elijah standing in the doorway, Elena's eyes followed his and relief immediately washed over her face. He managed to keep his face neutral, not allowing anything to show his pleasure at her needing him, and forcing himself to remember he wished she didn't, at least, not for this.

* * *

"You have to compel me to forget." Elena's tone was matter-of-fact.

"You don't understand what you are asking me to do."

"Yes, I do. I can't live like this, Elijah. I won't live like this. I'm in Hell. Do you understand me?"

He did understand, but he wouldn't tell her that. He knew what living with an internal purgatory was like, his he kept behind a red door in his mind. He sat down on the edge of her bed, glad for Damon willingly leaving him alone with her. The impulsive Salvatore was clearly out of his element and retreated back to his brother. He listened to their conversation though as the brothers discussed the situation downstairs. Understanding dawned on him as their exchange played out – he now knew that Damon had a sire bond with Elena, and he wanted to use it to manipulate her to turn her humanity off. Anger flashed through his veins like a fast moving wildfire. But just as quickly, he pushed the anger aside, and reminded himself that the younger Salvatore once again had the much more level head and had been able to keep his brother in check. Thankfully, this time Elijah arrived in time before Damon could do anything rash despite his brother's considerable efforts.

"Elena, you don't want this…" Elijah returned his focus solely on Elena. Her grimace and utter frustration at his words causing the tiniest of fissures in his façade.

"IT HURTS, Elijah!" She was screaming at him. She balled her hands into ineffective fists and struck him repeatedly on the chest before he wrapped his fingers around hers, pulling them down, holding them in place against the mattress in the space between them.

Her sobbing made him break eye contact for the smallest of moments. He couldn't crack. _He wouldn't crack._ He understood what she needed from him, even if she never said it.

"Elena, tell me exactly what you would like me to do."

He needed her to try and concentrate on stringing more than just a thought together. Something to take her mind off of the pain, even if just for a fleeting moment, as she tried to find the right way to articulate how she thought he could help her. He knew she would focus on trying to say the right words to get him to acquiesce.

There was a pregnant pause between them as she formed the words in her mind. He remained still, holding her hands without so much as a breath of movement while he waited patiently for her to speak.

"Damon wants me to turn off my humanity." She looked up at him, her watery eyes rimmed with a redness he wished he could wipe away.

"It's the sire bond. I understand why he thinks that's the only solution, but I can't lose my humanity, Elijah. I won't. I'd rather die than become…" Her voice cracked and trailed off.

 _Her._ She didn't have to finish the sentence. He knew her greatest fear.

"Damon will not make you turn off your humanity. I will not let him." He reassured her. It wasn't what he wanted to reassure her about.

"And you could never be her. Humanity or not."

He was losing the battle of staying stoic for her sake. But, the thought of her even worrying about being like Katerina…he second guessed his decision to put voice to his thoughts when her sobs quieted and she looked back into his eyes, pleading.

"You can make it stop without me losing my humanity. You can make it so that it doesn't hurt."

"No, I can't, Elena. I won't compel you to forget that it hurts to lose a loved one. It would be the same as turning off your humanity."

"Fine. But, you can at least make it so that the pain is bearable. I can't handle this crippling feeling, Elijah. Jer, he's dead because of me. Because I'm the doppleganger. Because I'm the mystical key for breaking curses. Because I'm a vampire that wants to be human, and I loved and am loved by vampires and a witch that wanted to make that happen. Because he was pulled into this fucked up supernatural life just because we were raised under the same roof. It's my fault. All of the deaths are my fault. My parents. Jenna. Jeremy. I've been able to survive, to not break, because he was here and he was human, he was alive. I won't live in a world where he doesn't exist if I have to feel this way. And I won't let myself turn into an unfeeling monster to terrorize people just like him. Innocents. People that are just unlucky to cross my path. I refuse to disappoint Jeremy by becoming a monster that he would have hated."

Elijah sat motionless through her monologue, allowing her time to vocalize everything she needed to say to convince him to help her. He didn't feel it would be wise timing to remind her that Jeremy was a Hunter and would've likely forged this path all on his own.

* * *

Elena looked into Elijah's brown eyes and could tell he was calculating risk and reward. He was weighing his options, but not giving anything away to let her know if her words had any impact. She couldn't wait any longer. Not knowing if he was going to help her or not was just piling on to the mountain of agonizing pain she was scared would be the last thing she ever felt. She withdrew her hands from his, reaching behind her to pull out the sharp piece of wood from under her pillow. She placed it in her lap, staring at it, hoping it would do the work for her, if her words had failed, hopefully her actions wouldn't.

Elijah stared at the stake, feeling his resolve completely crumbling.

"You can't end it like this." He needed her to understand. This couldn't be the last exchange they had. He wouldn't let her cease to exist without her ever learning how to smile again.

"Your emotions are heightened because of what you are now. The grief feels like a living thing inside of you that will devour you from the inside out if you don't stop it, right?"

She nodded. Then she sighed. He wasn't going to help her. She could tell. He wanted to talk her down. She wouldn't let him.

Elijah watched as Elena picked up the stake, holding it tightly by one end. He watched with morbid fascination as she placed the pointed tip at her chest, seemingly with no fear as she slowly began to push.

One. Two. Maybe three seconds. That was all the longer it took for several things to cycle through his head. The first second to remind him of the time he called her bluff, and she stabbed herself with a knife to make a point. Two seconds to know the stake was quickly approaching her heart, acutely aware of how many millimeters of wood she had managed to push through. Three seconds to decide he wouldn't repeat past mistakes.

With speed only he could muster, he pulled the stake from her clutches, pulling it out of her chest, and throwing it across the room.

"I'll help you."

* * *

He wants to make a deal instead. He'll help her with her grief if she'll leave the sibling paramours and come with him. The thought of compelling her and then walking away while she's sired to the impetuous one is haunting him. He gives himself two seconds this time – two seconds to let the thoughts overtake him, and then pushes them aside. She's immortal now. And instead of spiriting her away, he wants her to seek him out willingly someday. He finally decides the right way to help.

Elena brings her knees to her chest, trying desperately to mute her cries as she watches his eyes. She wants to be still and quiet, not wanting to give him any reason to change his mind. His face never betrays him, but his eyes – she can almost see the process happening behind them. She knows he is figuring out how to do the right thing. For the first time in twenty four hours she relaxes infinitesimally, for the first time in the same time span she feels like she might be able to breathe freely again – without the painful tightness in her chest.

Elijah forms the words in his head, silently reciting them twice as he often does so when he does speak, the words come out in a lilting cadence. He knows it helps with the compulsion to speak concisely, with precision and confidence. He doesn't want to waste any more time. He doesn't enjoy the idea of taking any of Elena's free will away from her, but he understands this is the way it has to be. With heightened vampire feelings and the sire bond, she's already lost enough of herself.

"Elena, look at me."

She meets his eyes so willingly. The trust she has for him so absolute he has to swallow thickly. He _never_ has to do that. Still, he proceeds without hesitation because that's what she needs from him. And, if he's being honest, he never wants to give her reason for her trust in him to falter.

"The grief you feel for your brother is a dial. Today, it is at a ten. Tomorrow, you will turn it down to a nine. Each new day you will turn the dial down by one until you reach five. You will allow your grief to remain at five until the day your thoughts of Jeremy bring forth a smile rather than a tear. Then, you will continue dialing the grief down until you reach two. You will keep this grief with you. You understand that the pain will be dull and not always noticeable, but having it linger in the background at a two will be what keeps you connected to your humanity. The pain will be manageable, and you will not attempt to take your life to escape it. You understand the only way to give your brother true immortality is to keep him inside of you – always and forever. You are the only one left walking this earth that can be his vessel, you will take great care with that responsibility and will keep his memory close, _here_."

Elijah placed his palm over her heart. He ignored the electric energy he felt in his fingertips as he touched her, instead, he focused intently all his attention on her eyes - as her pupils dilated in and out, knowing the compulsion was working. He needed to add one more thing before he could walk away from her and know he helped rather than inflicted harm.

"This edict on your grief from me will be the only time you allow yourself to relinquish self-control, from this day forward. Your decisions will be yours, and yours alone. You will trust your instincts and will seek counsel only from those you deem worthy of providing it. Those offering opinion or suggestion will not be able to influence your mind – they will only provide advisement that you, and you alone, will reserve the right to take."

He blinked and backed away from her, not wanting to be so close to her face, _her lips_ , any longer. His job was done.

* * *

"You broke my sire bond. I didn't ask you to do that." Her voice wasn't accusatory, she was just stating a fact.

"Yes."

He didn't feel further explanation was required.

"Thank you." A single tear slipped from her eye, trailing down her cheek. He resisted the urge to wipe it away.

He knew her sentiment was for more than breaking the sire bond.

"When will it get to a two?" She whispered the question, but he couldn't tell if she expected an answer.

He knew it would take months, maybe years. He couldn't lie to her in this moment, so he chose to stay silent. He wanted to hug her. He couldn't bear to touch her again. The war raging within lasted for a mere second. He went to her door, and without looking back at her, spoke with a sincerity he knew she believed.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss, Elena."

And then he was gone.

* * *

 **E/N: I would love reviews - critical or complimentary!**


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